Episode 05: Michal’s Contempt (Part 1)

Alrighty. Today’s episode is going to be a little different. I have had this stirring in my heart for a little bit, and I know that this is what the Lord wants me to talk about next. So, we’re just going to go right into it, .

So, I’ve titled it, “Michal's Contempt.” Some people say her name is pronounced like “Michael” — talking about David’s first wife (Saul’s daughter). I have always pronounced her name as “Mic-hall”, because it just doesn’t sound right as “Michael”. But if it’s Michael, it’s Michael. I’m not gonna get into it. 

But I’ve titled it, “Michal’s Contempt” and this comes straight from Scripture (like everything that I talk about). And, so it’s in 2 Samuel Chapter 6:16-23. It’s literally titled, “Michal’s Contempt for David.”

So, I'm gonna read it, then we’re gonna talk about it.

”But as the Ark of the Lord entered the City of David, Michal, the daughter of Saul, looked down from her window. When she saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she was filled with contempt for him. They brought the Ark of the Lord and set it in its place inside the special tent David had prepared for it. And David sacrificed burnt offerings and peace offerings to the Lord. When he had finished his sacrifices, David blessed the people in the name of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. Then he gave to every Israelite man and woman in the crowd a loaf of bread, a cake of dates, and a cake of raisins. Then all the people returned to their homes. When David returned home to bless his own family, Michal, the daughter of Saul, came out to meet him. She said in disgust, “How distinguished the king of Israel looked today, shamelessly exposing himself to the servant girls like any vulgar person might do!” David retorted to Michal, “I was dancing before the Lord, who chose me above your father and all his family! He appointed me as the leader of Israel, the people of the Lord, so I celebrate before the Lord. Yes, and I am willing to look even more foolish than this, even to be humiliated in my own eyes! But those servant girls you mentioned will indeed think I am distinguished!” So Michal, the daughter of Saul, remained childless throughout her entire life.“

So, I’m focusing on this passage of Scripture because of how it ends, “So Michal, the daughter of Saul, remained childless throughout her entire life.” And, why that’s important is because David was the king. The king's objective — one of his main objectives as king was to create a lasting dynasty of descendants. And the whole purpose of kings back in that time was, you know, accumulate a lot of wives and whoever has the first son (typically, whoever had the first son) out of any of my wives, that son will be named king; crowned king as the successor. 

Michal has a bit of a tragic story anyways. She truly loved David and she tried — well she didn’t just try — she helped David escape when Saul was trying to kill him. And, then in a fit of rage, Saul gives Michal to another man as a wife. And, I don’t know if she had any say in the matter. But, she is given away to another man, and this man loved Michal. And David, after you know, I think it’s after Saul is killed, and he’s taken the throne, David sends for Michal from this man. And this guy she was given to loved her and was following the caravan of her going back to be with David. And finally the commander was like, “Go home. Like, she’s not your wife anyways. Go home”. So, it’s tragic. 

She must have either hated David during that time or started to fall for this other guy— I don't know. It’s an interesting but tragic story. So, fo her to be in the king’s — I’m assuming she was in the king’s harem (where he wives stayed) — and to see her kingly husband dancing before the Lord in a fine linen tunic without a care in the world who saw him, at all. She was filled with contempt. And in doing so, she baits David when he comes in. Like, “Do you realize who you are? Do you realize the image that you’re projecting? And you’re showing other people that it’s ok for you to do this?” 

Of course it’s ok, you’re dancing before the Lord; and David says that to her. 

And, since she showed her true heart to David in that moment of like, “I can’t believe you did that. I’m disgusted by you.” He doesn’t call for her ever again. So, that’s what that means by “she remained childless throughout her entire life.” She wasn’t called back to spend a night with the king.

And we know this — or we can infer this because of the story of Queen Esther, when she is given the choice of going before the king without being called and knowing that if she does that then it’s very likely that she’ll die. Because if the king does not call for you and you present yourself, you’re going to be seen as a threat. So, Queen Esther wasn’t called for 30 days, it says, she wasn’t called for a whole month. So, for her to ignore that rule basically in the court, could have meant that she died. 

She was willing to do it for the sake of her people. (A whole other story.)

We see that with Michal here that she remained childless throughout her entire life. Meaning, David didn’t call for her. 

Why am I talking about this? Why is it important?

One — ladies, from the very beginning Eve was told (the mother of all women, mother of generations, the first woman) she was told that “you will want to rule over your husband.” And, I can guarantee you, women want to rule over their households. They want to rule over their husbands. So, Michal was more than likely feeling this. Like, “I’m going to show you that you’re in the wrong. I’m going to show you I’m better than you. I’m the alpha dog here. You serve me, I don’t serve you.” So she got it twisted.

This is, you know, all up to your own interpretation, but this is what I feel is going on here. She showed contempt, and David didn’t like it — obviously. 

As women we have to be very careful, especially as Christian women, we have to be very careful with our husbands. And I mean that in the most respectful way. We are called to respect our husbands and to love them. We are not called to rule over them. That’s their job. 

It’s not biblical for women to be the head of the household. It’s not. And I can show you in Ephesians. Let me go there. 

Ephesians 5:21-33, “And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Classic marriage dynamic Scripture right there. We are called to respect and to submit to our husbands. Now, I know that word, “submit” has a lot of negative connotations to it. Especially when it comes to a marriage relationship, or any relationship. 

Now, I have always been a very head-strong, independent woman. And, I come from a family of very strong-willed, independent women. And, I’ve also seen in the relationships that I’ve been surrounded by in the past the wife was a very strong-willed, independent woman. I noticed that and I knew how headstrong I can be, and like a bulldog-like tenacity — I know that about myself and I recognized it. And so I told Zack while we were dating, like, “Hey, this is a tendency of mine. This is in me. I do not want that. I don’t want that, at all, for us, because I’m not the one who is supposed to lead. I want to depend on you. I don’t want to be independent. I don’t want to make all these decisions by myself. I want to rely on you.” 

And so I told him that, and there are times where we’ve struggled with that because of my bulldog-like tenacity, and my very strong-willed, headstrong nature. So, it’s a battle; it’s a struggle. And God gave us this warning when he told Eve like, “Hey, you’re gonna want to rule over your husband, but it’s not biblical.” 

Christ is the head, so your husband is the head of the household. Alright?

So, it’s very easy, very easy for us as women to withhold ourselves as a form of “punishment” from our husbands, because we want to control. That's really what it boils down to. We want the control. So we’re in control of our own bodies, and we can give the excuses of: “Oh, I’m tired.” “Oh, I have a headache.” And we can withhold ourselves. 

Take that as you will. 

But I’m about to bring up Scripture that talks about this. 

1 Corinthians 7:1-6. (Give me a second as I go there).

”An Instruction on Marriage — Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command.”

So, clearly the church in Corinth was already asking about this. Like, “Hey, should I withhold from being together with my spouse?” And he’s very clear here.  “Yes, it’s good to abstain from it, but the only reason you should abstain from it is to devote yourselves more closely to prayer.”

Now, in the Christianese, layman terms that means you’re taking a fast from spending time with each other in an intimate way so you can seek the Lord’s will about something. It happens. It’s a struggle, for sure, but there’s a purpose behind it. 

Your flesh desires this. Your flesh wants to be with your spouse. And that’s why he’s saying only for a limited time so you can give yourself more completely to prayer. And then once that time of devotion to prayer is over, devote yourself to your spouse so that Satan cannot come in with temptation and pull you further away from your spouse. That’s the only time you should refrain from sexual intimacy with your spouse.

You should not have contempt in your heart for your spouse in a moment and withhold sex from them. Because that’s putting you in control. He clearly says, “The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.” That’s the exchange that happened on your wedding day. You gave the authority over your own body, over your own person to your spouse. And they did the same with you. That’s why it’s “leave and cleave.” The husband leaves his mother and father and clings to his wife. Leave and cleave. That’s the old, New King James Version,“leave and cleave.”

Don’t use these sorry excuses of “I’ve got a headache” “Oh, I’m tired”. 

If you’re tired, be tired! Say, “I am exhausted, but if you want to, we can.”

That’s just a little but of marriage advice right there. 

Talk it out with your husband! Don’t feel like it’s an obligation, because if it’s an obligation you won’t enjoy it. You won’t have that intimate connection that sex was created for. 

It’s an act of oneness. Not of, “I’m obligated to do this, so come at me, babe.” 

No. God doesn’t want that, and He doesn’t want that for your relationship with Him either. You’re supposed to have an intimate relationship with Christ.

If you come into His house with contempt, how do you expect to hear a word from Him? How do you expect to have a Holy Spirit moment with Him, if you’ve got contempt in you? The Holy Spirit’s a gentleman. He won’t force Himself upon you and He won't force a conviction on you either.

He’s gentle. Christ is love. God is love. Agape. 

1 Corinthians 13, “love is patient, love is kind.” It’s the same characteristics that Christ has. And, it's the same characteristics that we should have. Not just with Christ, but with our husbands or, you know our spouse (if husbands are listening to this then, obviously put yourself in that “for your spouse” part).

Contempt is not a pretty thing. It’s not a fun place to be in. 

And, so I’m gonna look up the definition of contempt to really put it into terms here. Wow. “The feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving of scorn.” It’s a “disregard for something that should be taken into account.” And also, it’s “the offense of being disobedient to or disrespectful of a court of law and its officers.”

So, Michal was feeling that David was beneath consideration; that he was worthless, and that he deserved her scorn. And she was disregarding a holy moment of the Ark of the Covenant, the very presence of God, being brought back into the city. Selfish. 

And, she was being offensive, and being disobedient, and disrespectful of the laws of their marriage. 

Can you think of a moment where you’ve been in contempt of your husband? Because, I can. And I love my husband. I love, I love, love my husband. And my heart is saddened that I can think of moments of where I’ve been in contempt with him. So, as soon as this is done, you know — you better believe I’m going to call him and tell him I’m sorry, and I’m going to make sure that we are unified and that we are under the same covering. Because when you’re in contempt, when you have that little bit of a wedge in between you, you’re taking one tiny step away from being under the same covering as your husband. 

And that’s a dangerous place to be. Contempt is no joke. And it comes in so easily, so slyly it slithers in. 

So, even if I don’t have a specific memory of moments of where I’ve been in contempt of my husband, that feeling of sadness in my heart is still there, enough to make sure like, “Hey, there feels like there’s a wedge here, so I’m going to make sure that it’s right.” Because I don’t want to be in discourse with my husband over anything because that makes for an unhappy home. And it doesn’t make for a unified marriage. 

So, if you have those moments, that you’re — you don’t have like a specific example, but you’re feeling that same sort of sadness in your heart. take a moment. Stop and cal your husband. Talk it out. And, it’s hard. It’s so hard to talk about things. Especially if you’re not used to talking about things like that. I was about to say, “Unfortunately, Zack and I are used to it,” but I’m going to say, “Fortunately. Fortunately, Zack and I are very used to talking about things that aren’t pleasant, that aren’t happy. Because, most of the time it’s from my own headstrong- and that independent will that I have. 

But, I have to humble myself, and I have to talk, and submit myself to my husband’s authority to make sure he is the head of the household, not me. So, even if you don’t have a specific answer, err memory, but you're feeling that sadness, call your husband. Start the conversation. 

I just heard something on this past Sunday. The two hardest things in life are 1) starting something, and 2) finishing something. 

If you’re not used to talking to your husband about these sorts of things, why not start now?

It’s going to be hard. It is gonna be hard. You’re going to fumble. You’re gonna cry. You’re not going really know the words to say. But you’re starting the conversation. And every little bit that you have is going to build a stronger foundation of unity between you and your husband, and with Christ at the center of it all making — you know, the strongest shape is like a triangle or something like that. 

Christ is at the top, then it’s your husband, then it’s you. You’re a complete triangle. Nothing can stop you. And every time you talk, it’s like the triangle is growing closer towards the center and it’s becoming even more solid. 

I just want the best for your marriage. I want the best for you, and your relationship with Christ, and you in your relationship with your husband. I want the best for you. Because the saying that married, Christian couples are the happiest and they have the best sex life, I want that to be true for you! I want that statistic to be higher than the divorce rate is the same out of the church as it is in the church. 

Let’s be the salmon and swim against the crowd. Right? Why not?

But if you continue to let contempt—going back to the original topic—if you continue to let contempt get a foothold over your heart and your mind towards your husband—if you already have kids, you’ve got kids—your kids are going to see it. Your kids are going to pick up on that contempt. You may think that they don’t pick up on things, but they do. But, if you don’t have kids, and you’re trying to have kids when you have contempt and you’re withholding yourself—how do you think kids are gonna come into the picture?

It’s a heavy topic. Wasn’t very fun to give, but it needed to be said. And the Lord was stirring it in my heart and I needed to get it out. 

We will see what the next episode holds. Hopefully it’s a little bit of a better topic—a little bit of a lighter topic. I don’t know, but sometimes hard conversations are the ones we need to hear in order to make a change in ourselves or our marriage. Or even in our relationship with Christ. 

That’s my heart’s plea and my heart’s cry for you. That these aren’t just words that you hear, but they’re life changing. And, also to bring forth life. Because the power of life and death is in the tongue. So, what you speak matters. 

That’s all my friends.